i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Ladies don't puke and tell
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
