i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize