you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
