A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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