i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
