Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
