i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
