At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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