Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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