can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize