new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
