I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
