i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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