Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
