yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
