i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
