i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
