4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
