I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
