Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
