I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
