If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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