at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
