so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
