can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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