Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
