You smell like a Billy Joel song
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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