If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
