I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
