The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
