She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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