It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
