So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
