i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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