i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
