Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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