I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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