did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
