you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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