Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
