The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
