Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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