It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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