can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
