she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
