your parents love me but you hate me
another moral hangover. fuck.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
