Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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