I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
