mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
be right there i have to get my cape
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
