Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
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