I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
