It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
