so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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