Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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