So drunk, too bad you don't want this
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
