exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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