We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Never underestimate the power of titties
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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