I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
