before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
