I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize