I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
