If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
