Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
