I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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