i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
